Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
