WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
