Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
