Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
