a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't deserve a penis
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
