My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
