Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
