did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
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You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
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If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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