I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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