When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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