just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
