It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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