There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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