My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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