i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
