i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's never too late to be topless.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
