i already hear my dad disowning me
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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