I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
