She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
