get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
