When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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