I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
