i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
His nipple licking is glorious
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