HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
