I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
