I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
