He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
