I'm eating all of the evidence.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
