If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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