i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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