Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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