I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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