if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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