I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
