You're so nebulous sometimes
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
