My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
