Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
