.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
