Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
