The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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