Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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