he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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