i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
