I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
