I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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