She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just invented taco cereal.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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