you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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