i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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