Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
