wanna go halves on a baby?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
