I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
