I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
