I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
