That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
