Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
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Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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