dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Four minutes until I can fart!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Alive.
So much puke
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
