wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
